Written largely in the darkness of the night

I have to say that training has been going pretty well lately. Not in the timing and performance sense, but in the fact that I am feeling stronger in all three disciplines. The swim is feeling smoother, the bike easier, and the run more fluid and effortless. I guess all these comes from a switch to focusing on quality instead of sheer quantity. I’m trying to throw out those junk miles and put in some quality ones that will give me speed and efficiency. Today’s brick workout felt good, and I think I will start to see some improvements in the times soon. The next race is coming up in 2 weeks – my first triathlon and the longest one that I have on my race calender so far. I am hoping to finish in a decent time, and of course as usual, trying to resist putting pressure on myself to come in with a good ranking. Right now, the focus is directed at the Tribob Sprint Triathlon in May, which I believe that I stand a chance in another podium finish again. It’s back to the drawing board – relooking my training and race strategies, reading tons of books and looking at the usefulness of compression in recovery.

On the relationship side, a serious discussion on monday made me thankful and appreciative. He asked if I felt that this relationship was getting too physical, and we talked about where each of our limits were. I have to say that I did not expect him to actually realize that I was someone who was not entirely comfortable with getting too intimate and was surprised to hear that he felt guilty for being too pushy. It’s really amazing how we’ve grown so attached to each other in the last 7 months or so. Hearing his confession about the lengths he goes to in order to keep a photo of me with him was really sweet. I guess somehow I still have some sort of aversion to expressing my affections. Honestly, I thought that I had made great progress in making him feel loved and wanted, but apparently I was wrong. When he’s not with me, I long to hold him and give hima kiss on the forehead, but when he’s right next to me, I just can’t seem to do it. He is indeed always the one who initiates every intimate moment and I think he’s starting to be unhappy with that. Right now, I just wished he was here, so I can cuddle him like how we did over at his house. Oh gosh, I’m really in over my head this time..