Posts Tagged ‘ Ride ’
I haven’t felt so unsure of things in a while, where my fears of things slipping out of my control are slowly being realised. I missed the times where I was sure – sure of my efforts, sure of the outcomes, sure that I had given my all and that things would work out. Now, I’m not that sure. I’m not sure if I’m good enough for anything or for anyone, if I’m doing what I should be doing, and if I’m doing it right. Perhaps I’ve been trying to hard, and everything becomes a source of pressure. I just need someone there, someone reliable, but what happens when that becomes an additional source of stress and burden? I’ve lost track of what makes me happy, I’ve lost track of who and what I can rely on to be a source of comfort rather, than a source of pressure. So I do the only thing I know, I turn inwards and stop sharing. I keep to myself. I take my bike out. I go for a ride. I tell myself – make this hurt. Very bad.
Fitful sleep caused by the throbbing pain. Gave up on sleep and got up in the wee hours of the morning; chomped down some food for energy and headed out into the cool morning for a ride. I always take the same route on rides like this: when I go out on whim, simply wanting a hard workout. I rode hard, refusing to let the digits on the speedometer fall below 31km/h. This is all I can do now. No running, and I’m swimming against doctor’s orders. The ear infection has made me almost unable to hear in one ear, but maybe that’s good. I hear less of others with only one good ear, and the other ear is simply couched in silence, making own thoughts louder than ever. Perhaps this is what I need, to hear for once, what I really want, and not what others want of me. I hit Changi Coast Road and rode it hard, extremely hard. Thankful that there’s no pain, that at least I can still cycle. The feeling of liberation on the bike never fails to amaze me, from the first time i started cycling till today, the adrenaline rush still hits me, the speed still excites me. Simple pleasures in life that will always be there, that will hopefully, never change.