Insomnia Files #2 – Disappointment
I can’t help but wonder if this is the end of the road. We have grand illusions of love, believing that those who truly love you will be there for you at your lowest point. For those who have not uncovered this illusion, the truth is disappointing. The people who stick with you are those who you open up your world completely to. They are the friends who do not know how much of a wreck you are, and who simply do what they do best: be there as a friend. They text you randomly to share a joke, make plans to go out after exams, conjure up insane party and clubbing scenarios and promise to live them up together once the summer holidays are here. You are silently thankful for such friends; although they don’t know what you’re going through, they’re just there in all honesty and genuineness. Conversely, the people who you let into the deepest, darkest parts of your world usually shy away, averse to the sadness and emptiness. You had let them in hoping that they would be there as a support, but they shrink away – willing to only be just a friend and not anything more. They probably secretly wished you never let them in, and they could just be in that category of friends who was there but not cognizant of your troubles. And so you wonder whether there is such a thing as true, unconditional support. Perhaps there is, but it ironically comes from strangers who would listen and give advice but who never have to deal with you on a day-to-day basis, and who are not part of your life. They are the therapists, the psychiatrists, the counsellors, the random strangers who read your posts. These are the people who strangely, feel for you. Who try to understand you despite not knowing you. And the people who know you, wants no part of the true you.
We live in a strange world.
